13 years ago....

While relaxing in the bathtub last night, after a LONG open house night at the Elementary school~many how do you do its, and many humbling compliments on our children and their behavior, I came to realize that almost to the day, 13 years ago, my life changed direction in the biggest way to date. Ryder was not planned at all, I had JUST turned 21, Jamie finishing his last year of college and we had been engaged for about a year. Funny how you look back and put two and two together though, see in August I said to Jamie lets get married in October, a autumn wedding, a wedding I would have LOVED to have had. But there were other factors that halted that dream of mine, and another one started that I had no idea was about to happen or had and say in(sort of!)! Yes, Ryder was a complete shock, but a well loved and embraced with open arms shock. I still well up remembering it. Watching that test turn two lines, understanding what it meant, no believing it until a blood test came back, looking back on my symptoms{I had stomach pains like you would not believe, I know now that it was from me not eating, but then I thought I was dyeing of stomach cancer or something else!!!!! And the 7pm bedtime? Why did I not put two and two together?} I still can feel those feelings to this day, like it was yesterday. I looked at the U/S picture of him, his first picture and watched him sleep last night, all of them I peeked in on. How and where does this time go? I see my mom and wonder how does she do it? How does she cope with the time passing before her, does she look at her grandchildren and feel like it was yesterday, or worse yet, yearn for those years again? I guess in time we all find out, but for the time being, I love to savor every bit of it, even the crying, teasing, yelling, dirty diapers, laundry out my windows aspects of my day.

Yes, I look back and can smile about that surprise, the start of the greatest blessings life has given me, and I can only hope that I am doing a well job of raising them, for I really never will be able to teach them all they have taught me. In due time they will hopefully learn this lesson of life in their own joy, their own little one.